“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.”

The women at our church get together once a month for café food and a little Bible discussion. Last Saturday we were given 1 John 4:18 as a launch pad.

I still experience fear sometimes.

Not debilitating fear. Not irrational fear. But fear.

I fall before the fear of man sometimes. I fear for some of the students we minister to, sometimes. I fear for the eternity of some of my loved ones. I fear for the financial security of our future sometimes, and sometimes I fear that we will never have children.

Which means, according to the scripture, that I am not perfected in love.

But what does that even mean?

What does it look like to be “perfected in love”?

Does it mean that I am perfected, inside of, and by, the love of God? Does it mean that I love perfectly? Is it a measure of both, because I can’t love perfectly unless I’ve been perfected?

Either way, Jesus is the only example.

I thought of John 15:13,

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

The one who has perfect love, loves perfectly, in laying down his life.

Which reminded me of 1 John 3:16,

“We know love by this, that He laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” 

Perfect love seems to have a lot to do with unconditional sacrifice.

Not that every believer is called to physical martyrdom, but we can lay down our lives in a myriad of ways: we lay down our pride, our expectations, our personal dreams if necessary, our standard of living, our plans, our comfort zones. We give up everything for the good of others, and we become a “living sacrifice” per Romans 12:1.

That is perfect, sacrificial love. That’s the only way to love like 1 Corinthians 13 teaches love. I forget about me, and I become a conduit for God’s love. The only way is if I’m not in the way.

Which feat is not easy. Everything in the world tells me that my life is about me. My dreams. My plans. My hopes and desires.

I went back to the original text, to get some context, and found my answer in the two preceding verses,

“God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as he is, so also are we in this world” (1 John 4:16b-17). 

Abide in God. Spend time with God. Get away, every day, like Jesus did, to worship, pray, read His word, and be with God. Rest, dwell, remain in God and He will do the same in you, and “by this, love is perfected with us.”

When I spend time in Him, I learn His heart; I have revelation of His glory. When I spend time with Him, I’m reminded of who He is and who I am not. I get closer to His heart, and I can love like He loves.