So it’s been a while.

And I have nothing to say. I’m tired.

I loath the contents of my weekdays between 8 and 5, but at the same time if this is where the Lord has me I should rejoice b/c He knows best, right? Forgive me, but I just can’t right now.

I consider myself vile for how much I’ve neglected Him this week. It’s like the days are over in minutes and I’m exhausted and I don’t know where it all went or what it yielded. I don’t even try to recollect anymore because usually it’s nothing, and that’s just depressing. I’ve completely slacked off on my early morning prayer time, and the one time I tried it was like I had nothing to say. I can sit at work and make a list five miles long of people and countries and ministries and errors in my own soul to pray for and then I bring myself before Him and it becomes dry, rote religion. I can’t even do that really romantic, coming-back-to-my-first-love thing and bask in His glory and goodness and beauty because I fall asleep waiting for Him. Just like the disciples in the garden; I guess I don’t get it either. I haven’t had a good meal in a week and all that’s happened is my stomach’s shrunk.

Jay told me this would happen.