I’m not (but oh to have been a fly on the wall when some of you read that title).

I just want to let everyone know that someday (and I have no idea when that day will be) when I am pregnant, I will tell you. I promise.

Every time I withhold details on a blog post or Facebook status or Twitter update I get emails and messages. “Are you pregnant?!” No. And I promise not to be sneaky about it when I am. I don’t know what seems to have convince just about everyone I know that I plan on hiding it someday, but rest assured – I’m not mean. I’ll tell you, probably not first (although I’m open to bribes), but I will. Promise.

Until then: No.

I finished a great book for work recently called It: How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep It by Craig Groeschel. Good book. Highly recommend it … if you’re in ministry.

At the end of the book Craig shares three simple prayers he’s been praying for years. I thought they sounded really good, and I probably got a little competitive. “If Craig can pray it, I can pray it.”

Anything you can do I can do better.

I don’t even remember all three now. I meant them when I prayed them. I weighed the risks – albeit briefly – of praying them, but you know: you’re there in the moment and you’ve convinced yourself that you really do want to be everything God has for you to be no matter what the cost. And you’re feeling bold and strong and as though you really can do all things through Christ.

It’s like Holy Spirit sometimes masks sanity temporarily so we’ll put ourselves in His path of loving destruction.

I was there. So when I say I weighed the risks … I did it in a spirit of amazing faith. Which, now, seems to have eased up on me, having accomplished it’s mission.

The one I remember was “Stretch me.”

Timothy and I were talking about circumstances and situations recently and I remembered that prayer.

Me: “I asked God to stretch me.”
Husband: “Without telling me?”

There’s chaos in my brain right now.

Change is coming. I’ve known it for months, but it hit in a way I did not anticipate. I found myself with more downtime than usual several months ago, and asked the Lord about it on a walk one afternoon. He told me to rest because there was a big push coming. I appreciate it when He uses language that I wouldn’t use, because I don’t have to go through those “was that really the Lord?” moments. “Push?” What am I, in labo … oh.

It’s good and I’m excited about it, but it has crashed in on me in a short period of time and I was so overwhelmed yesterday that I think I accidentally got defensive. Not of the way things are, or the status quo – as they say. I just got a little defensive of my sanity, but I’m over it. You can’t do great things for God and maintain your sanity.

And no, I’m not pregnant. I’m wondering if I’ll ever have time to be pregnant.

Which raises another issue I’d like to comment on quickly. The whole, romantic concept of “doing what you love” has gotten out of hand again. It’s like every few months this becomes a hot, motivational topic for blog posts and articles. “If money were no object, what would you do? And why aren’t you doing that now?”

Koom-by-ah, because I’ve got a mortgage.

If you get paid to live out your passion, I’m happy for you. Really. But the rest of us need you to realize you’re very blessed, and stop acting like it’s no big deal. Because it is a big deal and you’re encouraging people to jump headfirst into the foreclosure crisis. For the sake of the economic stability of our nation: shut up.

I know, I know – but I feel a little better now anyway.

In the midst of the chaos and loss-of-sanity I also stumbled across the following. Preparing for a message on stability (laugh it up) I came across this quote from some unnamed pastor on a blog I’d rather not link to (suffice to say there are strains of the emerging church movement that are forgetting the “church” part). I keep trying to end on this when my mind gets out of control, so I’ll end with it here too:

“If you’re not finding God where you are, you’re not going to find Him anywhere else.”