It’s that knot in your stomach that won’t go away, and the weight of it sends you crashing to your knees.
It’s an intensity that seems to stretch you in every direction in any dimension, and all at the same time.
It’s an urgency that makes you want to scream just to scream, just scream – try to force the tension out of you! That makes you search out any spare moment to get alone with Him, even though every spare moment you get alone with Him it gets worse because it’s Him getting close that all creation groans for!
It’s the anticipation that draws your eyes to the sky as your spirit whispers, “What about now? What about now?” And when the sky remains sealed it’s the knot and the urgency all over again, and like an impatient child the gentle response of checking, checking, checking is not enough and you cry out from the back seat, “Are we there yet?! Lord, how much longer?! I’m hungry! I want to get out of here and stretch! Are we there yet?! Abba, how much longer?!”
I just want to worship You, just want to pray, just want to be with You! I want to wash Your feet with my tears because I want to weep before Your throne because You’re too good. And if my hair is a glory to me, I’ll wipe your feet with it because You are my covering.
It’s this burden that weighs on your body, spirit and soul – that’s so terribly wonderful I could only ever want more.
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Not Room Enough to Contain It
Isaiah 30:18a//Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted … (v. 19b) He will be very gracious to you at the sound of your cry; When He hears it, He will answer you.
Sometimes I just get a picture of how God loves to bless His children. It’s almost like I can see the grin on His face.
Timothy’s been wanting a four-color press. It’s this fancy-smanshy little machine that will take our silkscreening hobby to a whole new level, and enable us to make Spirit-filled t-shirts that are much cooler than the ones we make now … in our bathroom.
These presses cost several hundred dollars, however, and I think I already explained how I’m on this crash course to budgeting. I wasn’t real excited about it, because I didn’t have a vision for the thing he wanted to spend so much money on. We talked and talked and talked about it, and it came down to I don’t know, he thinks it’s a good idea, and I trust him. He and his boss started shopping around, and he called me today. His boss found not only a four-color press, but a flash dryer and a dryer oven also, for a combined total of $150.
It’s almost like I can see the grin on His face.
Martha, Martha
Luke 10:38-42//Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her,
“Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”
I was reading this last night and my heart went out to Martha. Everyone hearlds Mary for being so captured by Jesus and willing to drop everything to sit at his feet, which is good – go Mary. You know what, though, if 13 grown men (at least, because who knows how many people were following Jesus aruond. You can bet Lazarus was there, so that’s at least 14) who had been walking around for days showed up at your house, you’d be expected to feed them and make them comfortable. Jesus might understand if you just sat at his feet, but the other guys would be complaining that they’re hungry. It tells us Martha welcomed Him into her house – of course she was going to serve them.
And later, doesn’t Jesus wash His guys’ feet and tell them that to be first in the Kingdom you have to be a slave of all? Isn’t that exactly what Martha was doing? I grew concerned; surely Jesus wouldn’t tell Martha not to do something and then, later, tell his disciples to do that same thing.
Everytime we read or talk about this moment, we think of Mary the devoted lover and Martha the worker-bee who didn’t realize she was doing the wrong thing. We remember Jesus’ answer to Martha as a kind of rebuke, and we try to make it cut-and-dry by catagorizing Mary as “right” and Martha as “wrong.” So I looked at it again, and asked Holy Spirit what I was missing.
He told me to look at what Jesus corrected her on. He didn’t tell her not to serve. He didn’t tell her to stop feeding the guys and sit down; he told her not to worry and be troubled. Yes, serve, but listen to what He’s saying while you do it. Don’t worry about what someone else is or is not doing, just serve where your service is needed, keep your focus on Him, and love. He loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:7), right?