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It’s Time

A month ago the Lord was really speaking to me about how this summer is going to be a time of exponential training and equipping for anyone who will take hold of it. My spirit was on fire and I encouraged everyone I know who’s in the Lord to really buckle down these next few months. I guess I forgot to really encourage myself.

I had a dream last night that kind of woke me up – not literally. I know I’m not as ready as I need to be for the things that are coming, but it’s almost like I’ve said that so many times that I’ve unconsciously accepted it as the norm. Step one is recognizing that you’re not strong enough, but step two is diving into the Word and into prayer, fasting, etc. I guess I’ve been hanging out at step one for too long.

It’s time to get to it. So I repent for being half-hearted, Lord, and am hereby rededicating myself to study and prayer. I will schedule my days around You and not You into my days.

Don’t Go

I love to hear stories of people who drop everything at the Lord’s calling to go where He would send them. I could sit for days an listen to all the “we had zero money and no place to live” stories, and the “we didn’t speak the language” stories. The idea of just going in faith is so romantic; I love everything about it.

I’m a person, though, who wouldn’t mind too much walking away from what’s here and from what I have. It wouldn’t be an agonizing sacrifice for me, and it wouldn’t really do much in the realm of humbling me or bringing me low. I wouldn’t have to subdue my flesh into it at all – I’d take off and love the whole adventure of it.

So at this conference last weekend, one of the worship leaders was introducing a song by telling us about God’s provision in her own life – how she packed a suitcase and left the UK for the US without any idea what she was doing. My soul cried. “Lord I’ll go too! I want that testimony! Send me!” He sternly but lovingly reminded me that He’s already told me I’m to stay.

About a year ago I was longing for this same thing and I asked, “Lord, where is my mission field?” Anticipating, of course, something exotic like Tahiti or something dangerous like South Africa. “You were born in your mission field. Consider it a blessing.” Hmmm. Not what I’d wanted to hear, but it resonated in my spirit.

Lately a very good friend in Christ has been encouraging me to go, and at the very least to pray about it. Every time I ask if this is His will for me He says nothing.

Last Saturday, though, Holy Spirit was my Comforter. “It’s just as obedient, just as worthy, to stay when your will is to go, as it is to go when your will is to stay.” Ahhh. So you sing the bit about, “If you say Go, we will go” and I’ll sing the line that goes, “If you say Wait, we will wait.”

Without a Vision …

Everyone always knows what they want to be when they grow up. It changes a lot, especially when you’re very young, but there’s always something. Except me. I was always the one who had no idea. My senior year of high school I applied to one school because they sent me information and told me it was free to apply; I was accepted and went as a music major because I knew I could do music. No idea.

Christians are the same way. It seems like everyone knows what office he or she is called to, and in a lot of cases its just obvious which ones are worship leaders, evangelists, pastors, etc. (I know “worship leader” isn’t in 1 Cor. but it’s a necessary office just the same.) I never had any idea. I love music, but sometimes just really want to preach … No idea.

So I’d been praying for a vision. I love that the Lord can answer prayer sometimes and we don’t even see it happening. I have two now, or at least two clear pieces of the puzzle He created in me. Praying for vision or direction is kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand you know you need to have a vision for your life – His vision for your life – but then when He tells you it can be extremely intimidating. You have to step into it, though, because you asked for it. Glory to Jesus – that’s the point of all of this silliness anyway.

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